


The Fine Art of Polycule Costume Shopping

by thescyfychannel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave's Sense of Humor, Dragon Maid Costume, F/M, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Inaccurate Nurse Outfits, M/M, Multi, costume shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 04:11:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16233950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescyfychannel/pseuds/thescyfychannel
Summary: upside to having the hottest triad this side of the galaxy: seeing how amazing your babes look in costumedownside: actually having to convince them into the costumes you have oh so carefully selected to maximize hotness





	The Fine Art of Polycule Costume Shopping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lipstickgremlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipstickgremlin/gifts).



> costume shopping! dave finds the dumbest possible "sexy costumes," jade is totally just going as a werewolf, and karkat is getting armfuls of embarrassing costumes shoved at him. are they actually going to find anything cool? probably not. never ever. they're gonna look like idiots and it'll be fun.

**** "Check it."

 

Dave holds up a costume, and you have to bite down on a bark of laughter. The "Sexy Nurse Outfit" looks a lot more skimpy than anything Karkat Vantas has ever worn for his nursing program, and when you turn to look at your other boyfriend, you decide that you're completely prepared to swear in a court of law that you saw steam coming off of his forehead.

"Well," you manage, barely restraining the aforementioned laughter, "I bet it would do a really good job of showing off your legs?"

"I know, right?" He holds up the bottom half of the outfit, and you start seeing stars in your eyes from the suppressed laughter. "I look fucking amazing in stockings."

"Strider I swear to the everloving gods of fuck that if you do not put that ridiculous travesty of a sexualized myth back on the costume rack right fucking now, the only kind of sexualization you will be getting for the next solid month is your _hand_."

Dave responds almost immediately with a ramble that you don't bother sticking around to hear the end of: you are a woman on a mission, and that mission is finding Karkat the PERFECT costume. You've already got yours down pat, the werewolf outfit was made for you, and Dave...well, Dave was going to wear whatever Dave decided to wear.

Still, you could hear pieces of his tangent (and Karkat's ensuing rages) drift overtop the racks and stacks.

"—it's like reversing the sexualization. Doing a sick backflip onto its own head, if you will. By wearing something like this—"

You snort, and scoop up a mascot costume that you're pretty sure is for a hockey team of some sort. Maybe baseball. You're pretty sure shit only gets this weird in baseball.

"—I don't fucking CARE about that! If you're so keen to reverse the sexualization why not design a sexy nurse costume specifically for men! Different features would be highlighted ENTIRELY so you can't even make the argument that—"

A flowerpot costume gets added to the top of the heap, along with the "salt" half of a salt and pepper shaker set. You've got a feeling that Kanaya's going to be getting a call before the end of the night, and you've got an even bigger feeling that your date-mate-in-law will not mind taking up Dave's latest commission.

Poor Karkat. The guy had it really rough.

 

* * *

 

 

When your pile finally eclipses your head, you saunter around the side of the row and drop them in a still-ranting Karkat's arms, temporarily cutting off his monologue (that you suspect Dave might be surreptitiously recording for future reference and/or usage) and his view of anything more than flimsy nylon and spandex.

"The fuck," he manages, and then the feather boa you had lovingly draped overtop the entire heap slips just enough to land in his mouth. "Pttthfhfthfffft."

"Potentially Halloween costumes," you nearly sing, and Dave lights the fuck up.

"This is going to be the sickest runway Halloweentown has ever seen. Lemme grab a changing room, you can escort our lovely model on over there once he's ready for his closeup." Before Karkat can say anything but "Pfffrfffrtthh!!" Dave has flashstepped away, and you are left to escort your lovely model on over there.

 

It's not that bad, only he's really a terrible conversationalist the whole way. You feel kinda bad for whoever's working makeup today.

* * *

Dave has, somehow, persuaded the store employees to let him set up a makeshift runway and follow spot. You're not going to question it, and you're really not going to ask how, but you are going to gently usher Karkat into a room with his heap of costumes and leave him to sort himself out.

"This is phenomenally stupid, Harley!"

"I know, Karkat."

"And you can tell Strider that I didn't agree to any of this!"

"Yes, Karkat."

There's a lengthy pause, and then he peeks out from behind the door with his floofy hair and dark eyes, a little worried. "You guys really wanna see me in all of this?"

"Would Dave have gotten the film rolling if he didn't?"

He glances over your shoulder, and you can nearly see him pout. "That's his phone, Jade."

"Karkat." Now he looks back up at you, and  _ fuck _ , he's so cute. "We super wanna see you, okay?"

"...okay."

 

There's another pause, and you decide to wait him out, just a little bit.

"Even in the really skimpy one?" Your heart fucking melts, and you grin at him.

"Yep. I can personally guarantee it!"

You did not realize that Dave had stepped up right behind you again, but when his arm loops around your waist, you lean into his hold, and Karkat, the perpetually affection-starved, slips from the dressing room and smooshes his face up against Dave's chest, tucking his head under your chin. "Seriously, Vantas, do you really think we would be going to all this extra effort for your fineass tush if we didn't want to see you strut that fineass booty all across this grand stage we set up and shit?"

"You set this up Mr. Strider, I was busy running escort service for our fineass fine-assed model!"

Karkat groans, extricates himself from the two of you, and stomps back into the dressing room, as Dave grins after him.

"Hate to see him go, love to see him walk away," he says, nodding sagely after your boyfriend.

There's a brief rustling, then Karkat's middle finger makes an appearance under the door.

 

You laugh, and Dave sighs, as if it's a spear aimed straight at his heart, before flashstepping off to coordinate the mock-spotlight. A very confused-looking store employee shows you to your chair (it has your name on it and everything), and you're grateful, once more, that they were having a very slow day.

Or maybe Dave called ahead and reserved it for a private party. Could go either way with him.

"You gave him the dragon maid costume too, right?" Dave is seated beside you again, holding his camera up at just the right angle to catch Karkat when he steps out of the dressing room.

"What do you take me for, Strider?"

****  
  


He grins at you, and the two of you sit back to enjoy the show, underscored by the dulcet tones of Karkat's latest tirade when he discovers that the maid costume cannot be removed from the dragon one. Life? It's pretty good.

**Author's Note:**

> this was a lot of fun!!


End file.
